📣 “Here at the New Zealand Party Party, We Stand for OPPRESSION.”

That’s right.

🗣️ O.P.P.R.E.S.S.I.O.N.

Openness, Personality, People’s Reintegration, the Environment, Social Standards, Intelligence, Openness (again), and Niceness.

Because nothing says freedom like structured, enforced, compulsory niceness.

🎤 Official Statement:

“At the NZ Party Party, we’re proud to champion O.P.P.R.E.S.S.I.O.N.

Not the old kind—no no.

This is the new and approved oppression.™

Where we uplift people by gently pushing them down into equality.

We don’t force compliance—

We inspire it. With branded merch and mandatory dance circles.”

🔍 Let’s break it down for the press:

O – Openness: We are extremely transparent about what you’re allowed to think.

P – Personality: You may keep yours, as long as it matches our vibe.

P – People’s Reintegration: Anyone who strays from the party will be gently re-integrated through hugs and strongly worded letters.

R – Reintegration Again (because it’s recurring)

E – Environment: We support the environment. Just not too loudly—wouldn’t want to scare the corporations.

S – Social Standards: We enforce equality by making everyone wear the same party hat.

S – Sanitized Intelligence: We believe in free thinking, as long as it’s been through our 3-step filter process.

I – Intelligence: All our policies are written by AI, approved by vibes.

O – Openness Again: Did we say that already? Exactly. We’re very open.

N – Niceness: Be nice. Or else.

🧠 The Paradox Spin

“We believe in voluntary obedience,

mandatory freedom,

and niceness at all costs—even if it hurts.”

📜 Possible Slogans:

• “Oppression… but make it feel like a cuddle.”

• “We stand for O.P.P.R.E.S.S.I.O.N. so you don’t have to think about it.”

• “It’s not authoritarianism if it’s quirky.”