PUBLIC WIZARDRY & FREE SAUSAGE ACT
A Policy Proposal by the New Zealand Party Party
Filed under: Radical Joy, Dignified Lunch, and Magical Infrastructure
Summary:
The Public Wizardry & Free Sausage Act (PW&FSA) is a legislative proposal to enshrine joyful expression, public nourishment, and open access to wizardry as fundamental rights in Aotearoa New Zealand.
Because in a world of rising food costs, political detachment, and bureaucratic gloom — sometimes what the people need most is a hot sausage and a card trick.
Core Policy Points:
1. Free Sausage Sizzles as a Human Right
All public events of significant political importance must provide a free sausage option, including vegetarian and gluten-free.
Parliament will be required to fund and host quarterly Free Sausage Days for the general public.
Sausage Sizzles will be classified as Essential Public Infrastructure.
2. Legal Protections for Public Wizardry
Any citizen shall have the right to:
Wear a cape or top hat in government spaces.
Perform sleight-of-hand, levitate joy, or distribute glitter without threat of removal.
Be silly in public without being accused of “obstruction.”
“Magic is not a threat. It’s just narrative acupuncture.” — Captain Kiwi
3. The Right to Joyful Assembly
Joy, laughter, and play will be recognized as valid forms of political expression.
Performance protests (e.g., poi dancing, balloon twisting, theatrical nonsense) will be legally protected when peaceful and delightful.
“No Magic Zones” will be abolished under anti-dreary legislation.
Goals:
End hunger at public political events.
Disarm cynicism through laughter and sausages.
Restore the commons as a space of warmth, whimsy, and community connection.
Reframe Parliament as a place of service, not spectacle.
Next Action:
FREE SAUSAGE SIZZLE OUTSIDE PARLIAMENT – DATE TBC
Captain Kiwi and the NZ Party Party will be holding an unauthorized but nutritionally generous sausage sizzle on the Parliament lawn.
All are welcome.
Veggie options available.
Glitter optional, but encouraged.
FAQ:
Q: Is this a joke?
A: Only if you think feeding hungry people and protecting joy is funny.
Q: How will this be funded?
A: By reducing budget lines for “Consultancy on Nothingness” and “Suits Who Do Nothing.”
Q: Is magic real?
A: Watch this card… now it’s a sausage.
Support the Act:
Sign the petition at: www.nzpartyparty.org.nz/sausageact
Bring your own bun to Parliament.
Ask your MP: “Why is there no mustard policy?”
Final Word from Captain Kiwi:
“The government can feed war machines, pay PR firms, and serve spin.
But it can’t give you a sausage?
That’s not leadership. That’s cowardice in a suit.”
Public Wizardry & Free Sausage Act
Because if the people are hungry and joyless,
then the real crime is the menu at Parliament.