FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND — 06/06/2025
WIZARD KICKED OUT OF PARLIAMENT FOR DOING MAGIC
Performance protest sparks joy, confusion, and multiple security interventions.
In a day that felt less like political reality and more like a Dr. Seuss fever dream, a self-declared wizard was ejected from the New Zealand Parliament grounds for attempting to spread “unregulated joy” through magic, love, and circus tricks.
The wizard — known publicly as Captain Kiwi, leader of the New Zealand Party Party (NZPP) — arrived on the forecourt in full regalia: a blue top hat, red superhero cape, NZ flag suit, and a deck of cards. His mission? To remind Parliament that joy is not a crime, and perhaps, to make a few strangers smile.
Timeline of Events:
12:15 PM – Captain Kiwi begins a card trick for a bystander on the Parliament forecourt.
12:16 PM – Security intervenes. When asked what law was being broken, they cited “public obstruction” despite no foot traffic present.
12:17 PM – Captain Kiwi, undeterred and wanting to spread joy attempts to hastily finish the magic trick, the guard radios in:
“There is a man in a blue top hat doing magic.”Captain Kiwi yells:
“You’ll never catch me alive!”
—then sprints off with cape flying, card in teeth.
Refusing to let security kill the vibe, the rogue performer regrouped outside Parliament, performing tricks for some school kids who lifted his spirits and were ecstatic after the performance, promptly following Captain Kiwi on TikTok.
With renewed energy, Captain Kiwi sneaked back onto Parliament grounds and sat on a bench like an NPC, asking passersby,
“Would you like to see a magic trick?”
Over 10 successful tricks were performed.
Some passersby said he made their day.
A distant security guard surveilled him but did not engage.
Eventually, Captain Kiwi moved to the grassy hill below the steps. When a group of schoolgirls watched curiously, he vomited a rainbow mouth coil, prompting a spontaneous eruption of applause from over 30 students.
Some approached him directly.
“They asked what I was doing,” said the wizard.
“I told them I was processing joy, because Parliament banned magic from the stairs.”
“They were so supportive. So I asked if they wanted a trick — and they were thrilled.”
After performing a final trick, he prepared to leave. One last security guard approached and warned:
“Just don’t go up the steps.”
Captain Kiwi responded calmly:
“I’m just playing with my diabolo on the grass. This is public space.”
The guard nodded. The wizard stayed.
What Does It All Mean?
The New Zealand Party Party has never shied away from the absurd. Its platform includes Lolly Scrambles as a Human Right, Public Naps as Essential Infrastructure, and the right to wear capes without a permit.
This latest stunt — now referred to internally as the Top Hat Protocol — is being cited by party members as proof that Parliament fears laughter more than lobbyists.
“When a state fears sleight-of-hand more than sleight-of-policy,” said Captain Kiwi,
“you know you’re living in a very silly empire.”
POLICY RESPONSE
In light of this clear violation of joy-based sovereignty, the New Zealand Party Party is now officially advancing the
Public Wizardry & Free Sausage Act
Captain Kiwi says the Act will “defend the right to joyful assembly, magical expression, and of course — complimentary sausages at all political events.”
For media inquiries, spellbooks, or public declarations of whimsy:
press@nzpartyparty.org
www.nzpartyparty.org
“They tried to stop a magician,” Captain Kiwi concluded,
“but all they did was summon a movement.”